Thursday, May 29, 2003  

I'm depressed. I hate coming home. I know how people always wax eloquent about going home, but I honestly just hate coming back to my home. I say this because no matter what, everything I do is never good enough. NEVER. No matter what I do, no matter how good I try to be, somehow I always end up as the worst child ever, according to my mom. I can't deal with this. I can't deal with never being good enough because I've already done it for all of my life. Every time I come home, I feel small. Like I am insignificant. I keep promising myself every year that I won't move back here during the summer, and every year I still do. Shit. I have to move out.

I need to get a car. I need to work. I can't stay home all day doing nothing. I get depressed. At least last year I had Nick to help me through it. But now he's gone too, and I don't think I can do this. I can't be here.

j posted this at 10:11 PM.

Wednesday, May 28, 2003  

I finally got my pictures from Initiation developed today. I was a little disappointed. A lot of them didn't turn out that great. :( There were no good pictures of me and Nick, although there IS one that is SOOOO funny with him holding a paddle over his head like it's a samurai sword. Hee. Makes me crack up so hard every time I look at it. I think I'm going to make it my official cheer-me-up item from now on when I get depressed. It's just so darn funny! You can't help but laugh.

j posted this at 2:27 PM.

Tuesday, May 27, 2003  

Went to an interview today with Kaiser Permanente's Public Affairs Department. Hmmm. They seemed to like me. Of course, I've been wrong about this before, so I don't know. (I once thought an interview went really really great, and the person even said she'd call me in a couple of days, and she didn't! :O Scandalous!) It was a good thing I was prepared with extra copies of my resume; they were going to interview me without a copy of my resume in front of them! But luckily, I had extra copies, so they asked me questions from my resume. *whew* They talked to me a long time about Kaiser Permanente as an organization, but they didn't really ask too many questions. I dunno. At the end, the guy actually LEFT to bring me a copy of their internal newsletter so I could see what it looked like. Is that a good sign that he was so eager to show me?

I was so nervous. I tried to be confident, but I kept getting into these situations where I would start answering a question and forget what the original question was! ARGH. It is a chronic problem with me. I don't know if I made a good impression, although the extra copies of my resume thing was nice, I think. They are not making a hiring decision for another two weeks! Sheesh. By that time, my summer break will be half over! Soo ... I think in the meantime, I will go work for Mary Ella. And then I guess we'll see what happens with this.

j posted this at 12:09 PM.

Sunday, May 25, 2003  

I got my new contacts. One of them is tinted brown, and the other is the regular blue tint. So I can tell which one is which. They don't change my eye color or anything, but it's still kinda weird. I feel like I'm walking around with each eye a different eye color. Hmm.

j posted this at 12:32 PM.